These concert reviews have become quite a task. But now it’s time for the final (I think) concert of the summer, #9, Radiohead.

I had to travel a good bit to see this show. Being exhausted from all the previous concerts, I was considering just staying home and skipping this one, but I’m glad I made the trek out to Wisconsin for this one. It was hands down the best concert I’ve seen all summer.

The opening band started 20 minutes early while I was still trying to get a nap in on the lawn. As I laid there, I thought, “That voice sounds familiar. Who is it? Wait a minute…it sounds like Pavement. That must be Stephen Malkmus!” Sure enough, it was Stephen Malkmus and his new band, the Jicks. They had a similar, gleefully dissonant sound like Pavement, but slightly more refined. It was fun, unpolished music and I just might consider investing in one of their albums. The only problem I had was with Malkmus’s annoying stage banter (“Thank you….and you…and you and you and you.”). But all in all, I thought they were a good opener for Radiohead.

Now Radiohead, well, what can I say? They were amazing, even better than I remember them from two years ago on the Amnesiac tour. Radiohead is one of those bands whose live performance adds a whole nother dimension to their songs. I quite honestly cannot come up with one negative thing to say about this concert. The setlist was phenomenal, about 50% Hail to the Thief, 50% old material. I realize that most of the people who read this blog don’t have clue when it comes to Radiohead, so I’ll refrain from giving a song by song analysis. I’ll just try to hit some of the highlights.

“2+2=5” was a great, strong start, but the first song that really got me was “Where I End and You Begin”. There was lots of energy from the whole band, but lead singer Thom York, as usual looking either like a just-hatched baby bird or a toddler just awakened from a nap, was as charged as I’ve ever seen him. He sang his heart out, mugged for the piano-cam, and danced like a madman. I also heard some of my favorites like “Lucky”, “Paranoid Android”, and “Fake Plastic Trees”. They played some great tunes to get the crowd dancing like “Just” and “Idioteque”. I really enjoyed hearing “Idioteque” live again. The arrangement was amazing and no one in the crowd could help but dance. I was also impressed with the live version of “There, There”. For this song, three of the five members of the band got on percussion to give the song an unbeatable drive. The final encore started with a wonderful crowd sing-along to “Karma Police”. Gorgeous song. And they closed the concert as they usually do, with “Everything in Its Right Place”.

Concert highlight? Can’t really pick one. Watching Jonny Greenwood race among his various music-making contraptions was fun though. At times he even played guitar and keyboard simultaneously, hitting keys with the headstock of his guitar. The light show was also magnificent, complimenting the music without drawing too much attention away from it. Worst part? Wandering inebriates, hopelessly lost from their group in the sea of people on lawn. Nothing worse than someone shoving by you and screaming out somebody’s name while you’re trying to enjoy the music.

This was my sister’s first exposure to Radiohead. I’m curious what she thinks. She didn’t say much on the way home, so I’m not sure if she didn’t like it and was afraid to say so because I was nice enough to take her to the concert or what. Regardless, I’m glad we went together. It was a great evening.

For the second time in a row, I have had a lengthy concert review lost by a computer crash and it’s quite infuriating. But I will press on and discuss summer concert #8, Aerosmith and KISS.

We’ll start with KISS since they came first. I was rather disappointed that we didn’t get more of a turnout from the KISS Army. The painted faces were few and far between. You know their fan base is aging when you see people in face paint and fanny packs. I’m thinking a lot of them were actually grateful that KISS opened so that they could leave and get home in time for the 10 o’clock news.

Anyway, not being very familiar with the music I wasn’t sure quite what to expect. But being the arena rock heroes that they are I figured they would at the very least be mildly entertaining. Well, I was right, but not in the manner I had expected. KISS were, in fact, entertaining, but only in how bad they really were. I could handle the lack of substance. (They made Jimmy Buffet sound like Bob Dylan.) But it was the complete lack of talent thinly covered by extended periods of jeering at the crowd (“You wanna hear more?” “You tired yet?”) that really got to me. Maybe I’m being a bit hard, but really, running around in 7” platform boots and touching one’s eyebrow with one’s tongue are usually only considered “talents” in the carnie world. I did manage to get onto my feet for “I Wanna Rock and Roll All Night”. This was partly because this is a fun song and partly just because I knew that once it was done, KISS would be gone.

After all this, I was thinking, “Aerosmith better be really good to make up for that.” And they did not disappoint. We were treated to an amazing greatest hits collection performed with super-human energy, particularly on the parts of Steven Tyler and Joe Perry. I’ve got a lot more yoga to do before I can perform the feats of agility that 55-year-old Tyler still does. My brother did point out that Tyler weighs all of about 92 pounds, but still… Anyway, as much as I hate to admit it, Tyler still has the looks and the stage presence to beat the pants off Mick Jagger any day. He just looked that good. I also enjoyed his harmonica chops which don’t normally get as much time on the albums. Concert highlight? Steven Tyler’s fedora. I’ve been wanting to buy myself a fedora for months and this cemented it. I think Tyler might also be partially to be blame for the love of pin-striped pants as well. I saw him in an over-sized pin-striped suit a few years ago and I haven’t been the same since. Second place? “Walk This Way”. Worst part? No encore! What’s up with that?!

Although it was short, Aerosmith put on a great show and I would highly recommend seeing them live.

Tuesday night was concert #7 in the summer concert series, Jimmy Buffet. I can’t say I’m a huge Buffet fan, but I’ve heard his concerts are a lot of fun, so I figured I’d see what all the fuss is about. I went with a group of veteran “parrotheads” so they could show me the ropes and help me navigate through all the chaos that is a Jimmy Buffet concert.

Devout parrotheads take their tailgating very seriously, many starting shortly after noon to prepare for the 8 pm concert. The parking lot was like one massive luau with thousands of fanatics blaring tropical music, grilling cheeseburgers, and firing up their blenders to mix margaritas. Resort wear seemed to be the trend where even the cars were clad with grass skirts and leis.

But even though the parking lot seemed crazy, it was a quiet nap by the pool compared to the cacophony inside the venue. The lawn section was a sea of Hawaiian shirts, beach balls flying everywhere. It was as if someone had uprooted a Sandals resort and plopped it down in western PA. It was here that we encountered the craziest fans of the night including a couple of guys dressed as pirates with stuffed parrots on their shoulders. Buffet’s stage continued the theme with a tiki hut backdrop and several hula dancers.

The music itself was nothing extraordinary, but it was a lot of fun. Jimmy Buffet is kind of like Raffi for grown-ups: fun, sing-along songs…only about tequila and trying to get laid. So you just go with it. Sing along and have fun. That’s just what I did. I have no intention of ever purchasing a Buffet album, but for that one evening I was a Buffet fan. Concert highlight? What else! Margaritaville! Second place? Guys in coconut bras. I’ve got nothing but respect for guys that don’t take themselves too seriously to put on a coconut bra and grass skirt. Worst part? The terrible lines for bathrooms and port-o-johns.

Although I don’t see myself joining the order of the parrothead very soon, all in all it was a fun experience that I would definitely be willing to repeat sometime.

What is it about Saved By the Bell? The acting is terrible, the dialog juvenile, the plots predictable, and the sets, costumes, and theme are hideous. Yet for some strange reason, every time I flip to it, I absolutely have to watch it, even if I've seen the episode 5 times before. It must be some sort of mind control device or something a la Manchurian Candidate. Come to think of it, I think I did blank out for while after I watched an episode a few days ago. Either I went out and killed someone during the lapse or my mind was so un-stimulated by the programming that it actually went to sleep.

I wish I had a digital camera so I could post a picture of my finger. Friday evening, while tossing a football around at the park, I jammed it pretty bad. Saturday morning it started to swell up and by the end of the day it had gone up about 3 ring sizes and the knuckles all turned purple. It looked like I had gotten into a fist fight...only punching with one finger. It was pretty cool. I'm almost disappointed that today almost all the swelling has gone and my knuckles are paling into a yellowish green color. I think if I ever get a digital camera, I'm going to add a wound gallery to my website. Am I the only person who enjoys showing off bruises, cuts, and abrasions?

Alright. Here’s the promised review of concert #6: Bob Dylan and The Dead at Darien Lake, NY.

Let me start by saying never, ever, ever go to a concert at Darien Lake. Ever. It’s an amphitheater outside of Buffalo that’s parked right next to a Six Flags. There’s basically just one way into this place and that’s by taking an exit off I-90 that’s smack-dab in the middle of a construction zone. Oh, and not just the highway is under construction, but also the toll plaza. As thousands of people tried to exit the highway to get to the venue, there were a mere 3 (yes, count ‘em at home. 3.) toll booths open. From there on out it was 2-lane road for the next 8 or so miles to the park. It took us 2 hours from Erie to get within 15 miles of the theater and another 2 hours before we finally got to there, parked and got out of the car. 15 miles in 2 hours! It was definitely the most excruciating day I can remember. You know how sometimes when people are in pain, they bite themselves or inflict some other kind of pain to distract themselves from the other pain? That’s exactly what I wanted to do as I sat in that bumper-to-bumper traffic. I was searching franticly for a blunt object to hit myself over the head with to take my mind off the miserable situation. I finally ended up just banging my head off the steering wheel repeatedly.

But once we got out of the car, it was a pleasant experience. The parking lot was filled to the brim with your requisite dreadlocked, barefoot deadheads. And of course not one of them actually had a ticket…or money. So they all sat around selling patchwork skirts and macramé purses and begging for tickets.

Because of the severe traffic conditions we got there much later than anticipated, but managed to only miss the first song of Bob Dylan’s set. Not too bad. We made it just in time for one of the best love songs ever, “Love Minus Zero/No Limit”. I was quite surprised when Bob played the entire show behind the keyboard, but I didn’t mind. He seemed to really enjoy it. He was having such a good time, he soloed on harmonica on almost every song, which is not a normal occurrence. Anyway, the setlist, although short, was a great mix of new and old. Mr. Dylan seems to have become quite taken with the blues. Most of the songs were played with a wonderful rough, raunchy, roadhouse blues feeling, particularly "Highway 61 Revisited”. Concert highlight? The new (“Cold Irons Bound”) contrasting with the old (“Positively 4th Street”). Second place? Bob’s costume from his “summer collection”: an outfit of all white including white boots and what appeared to be white leather pants. Bob will do what Bob will do and who cares what anybody thinks. That’s one of the reasons I love this guy. Like myself, he’s an individual through and through. Worst part? Surprisingly, “Mr. Tambourine Man.” The vocals were way off. I’ve come to expect and even enjoy a little erratic, off-key singing from Bob, but there was nothing endearing about “Mr. Tambourine Man” that night. Too bad.

It was also strange not seeing Charlie Sexton on lead guitar. That might be one reason for Bob’s retreat to behind the keyboard. It always seemed like he really enjoyed trading licks with Charlie. Oh well, it was fun to see Bob Weir come out and take up lead on a few of the songs. I was impressed that he had the respect for Dylan to eschew his usual t-shirt and shorts to put on a suit like the rest of the band to come out and Dylan. Out of the seven times I’ve seen Mr. Dylan, I would put this at around 4th or 5th. A good show, I just wished for more.

All right. I know I've been slacking over the weekend, but I'm back to report on concerts #5 and 6.

Concert #5 was Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band at PNC Park. Great show. Bruce & Co. put on a marathon 3-hour show with all the energy and enthusiasm of 25-year-olds. Although I am not a diehard Springsteen fan, I thoroughly enjoyed this concert based on the extaordinary talents of the E Street Band and Springsteen's gift for heart wrenching performances. (During most songs, he sings so intensely it looks like he's about to rupture a bloodvessel in his face.) He interacts well with the crowd and has the kind of infectious enthusiasm that can easily whip a crowd of 50,000 into a frenzy. Crowd favorite Clarence Clemons seemed to enjoy himself too even though he wasn't up front and center as much as last time I saw them. Many of the instrumental solos were given to the new violinist and Clemons often had to set aside his sax for such exciting instruments as finger cymbals and the washboard. Steven Van Zandt was also there in full effect. As always looking just one eye-patch short of a pirate. Van Zandt is fun to watch because he aparently has loneliness issues and cannot sing by himself at a microphone. He will jump in with another band member and probably even share a microphone with a cymbal from the drum kit before singing by himself.

The Springsteen fans add a whole nother element of entertainment to these shows. No one takes a concert as seriously as a Bud Lite-swilling, fist-pumping Springsteen fanatic. Their calls of "Bruuuuuuce!" nearly drowned out the applause after each song.

All in all, a great concert. The gorgeous view of the city made up for the spotty sound at PNC Park. Highlight? "Hungry Heart." Second place? An accordion trio opening the concert with "Take Me Out to the Ball Game." Worst? The inebriated fanatics two rows in front of us who kept turning around and yelling at all the people who were sitting down. Hey dude, everyone must enjoy the concert in their own way. Were all those seated people behind you screaming at you to sit down? I don't think so.

Have you ever tried to fill a 20-oz. bottle with sunflower seed shells? It’s harder than you think.

One more thing about Pirates of the Caribbean: I really enjoyed Johnny Depp. The crazy pirate character fit him well. The guy has definitely become a pro at playing weirdos. I mean, check out his resume. If he really wants to challenge himself, he should play a normal average Joe Schmo character. It would be very interesting to watch. Let’s face it. We haven’t seen a “normal” Johnny Depp since 21 Jump Street.

When I went to see Disney’s Pirates of the Caribbean on Monday, there was a preview for the next major Disney movie, The Haunted Mansion. What’s going on here? Has Disney really run so low on ideas that they have to mine their theme park rides for story ideas? I’m guessing Space Mountain: The Movie is in production right now. For the sake of humanity, I just hope we never have to see It’s a Small World: The Movie.

Monday night was concert # 4 for the summer, Counting Crows. Well, actually Counting Crows and John Mayer because they were co-headlining. But that was exactly the problem: too much John Mayer and too little Counting Crows. But more on that later.

Monday night being the first time I’d ever seen the Counting Crows, I wasn’t sure quite what to expect. But I had no reason to worry. They put on a great performance and played lots of their “old stuff” from August and Everything After, definitely their best album. I really enjoyed Adam Duritz’s performance. I had expected to be slightly annoyed by his presentation (I mean really, who likes the whiny “I need a raincoat” bit in “Raining in Baltimore”?), but he sang well without going overboard and with minimal chit-chat. Concert highlight? I’d have to say “Round Here” intertwined with Bob Dylan’s “Girl from the North Country”. Gorgeous. Second place goes to Charlie Gillingham on accordion in “Omaha” and “Long December”. Worst part? The short, hour-long set. The band and the crowd were just getting warmed up and it was quitting time.

After Counting Crows came the guy all the shrieking, tube-top wearing, high school girls came to see: John Mayer. Now I know a lot of people who love this guy so I will refrain from totally blasting him. He is a talented musician and a very good performer. He has a gift for writing catchy guitar riffs and melodies and can solo respectably. He’s also an expressive singer. However, his lyrics blow chunks, or at least make me want to. “[You’ve got] one pair of candy lips and a bubblegum tongue”? Yikes. You may be able to sell that stuff at Hallmark, but not here. On the positive side, after listening to Mayer, Bob Dylan should sound more amazing than ever when I see him on Friday. Mayer wins points for being an engaging performer, but loses them all and then some for not having the humility to admit he needs help and enlist some assistance in the songwriting department. I’m sure his idol and buddy Elton John would be willing to lend a hand. But I digress. For those of you out there who like Mayer's music, you will thoroughly enjoy seeing him in concert. Concert highlight? The dude a couple of sections over from me who was standing up by himself, belting out “Come Back to Bed” with enough vein-popping intensity to give R. Kelly a run for his money. He even removed his shirt for…well…I don’t know what for, but it was enough to get me chuckling all over again. Second place? The completely baffled expressions from previously mentioned shrieking girls as my sister and I walked out during crowd favorite “Your Body Is a Wonderland”. Priceless. Worst part? “Your Body Is a Wonderland”.

Concert #5 is tonight.

So I was wondering this afternoon... You know how they say that the life span of a mosquito is something like 24 hours? So what I'm wondering is what percentage of mosquitos die of old age, or natural causes for that matter? I've only seen mosquitos' lives ending tragically early.

I finally broke down and got cable this week. I decided that it was time. For the past 8 months I've been trying to make do with the old rabbit ears. But since I got the flat-screen, it's been rather embarrassing to only have 3 fuzzy channels to watch on the 32" screen. It's rather frustrating to have to pay for cable in order to get network television, but what can I do? So I made the call. And I'm already wondering if I haven't made a grave mistake. After being limited to network televison for the past 7 years of my life, I am completely mesmorized by my 65 channels. It's like discovering television again for the first time. I'm hoping I will tire of it soon or else I'm in serious danger of becoming permanently attached to my couch.

I haven't yet posted on the Phish concert on Tuesday, so here goes.

Tons. Of. Fun. I didn't have to recognize a single song (and I didn't) to completely enjoy myself. The music was so jubilant and the crowd so energetic that I had no choice but to have fun. The highlight of the evening? Tough call, but I'd have to say Jim Fishman's vacuum solo. Definitely the best one I've ever heard.