I hate shopping around Christmas time. It's just too crazy for this grizzled, ornery, old curmudgeon. So I figured I'd be savvy and hit up the extended mall hours. I mean, there might be some hardcore, get-out-of-my-way shoppers out there at 8am, but at least you're not stumbling over screaming toddlers tearing about and teenagers shrieking into their cell phones. But who I forgot about was oblivious, coupon-toting senior citizens. The department stores were relatively quiet, with the parking lot only half full, but the checkout lines were at least 20 minutes long. Why, you ask? I'll tell you why. Because every person in line in front of me did not take these twenty minutes to be considerate and prepare to make their purchase. Instead, they waited silently, purchases in one hand, coupon envelope in the other, until their turn. Then each one, in turn, set their stuff on the counter, dug around for reading glasses, and started to go through their fat stack of coupons. When they finally found the relevant ones, they would spend five minutes divvying up their items into two or three purchases so as to make the most of their coupons and then finally proceeded to checkout. But then the checkout would be halted because one of the coupons was not valid until next week and the coupon search would begin again. Of course it didn't help that I was all hopped up on the grande peppermint mocha I picked up at Starbucks on the way in, so by the time it was near my turn, I was frantically searching for some sort of blunt object to bludgeon myself with just to make the agony go away.

I know, I should be in better holiday spirits, but I tell you I usually am. When I'm in the quiet of my home, smelling evergreen as I gaze at my beautiful Christmas tree and listen to the soothing sounds of Nat King Cole, I feel very much in the Christmas spirit. It's just when I'm around all those people that it fades away. I know it's bad. What can I say? I guess I'm just one step closer to being that crazy old lady with 50 cats who cuts up all the Nerf footballs that land in her yard.

Happy Holidays.